Wishes

With it being summertime I hear every day, "Momma I wish"... I even find myself thinking it as well as hearing my husband in the evenings and weekends. We have talked about all the things we want to do, when we have the money or time. We want to get a camper to take the kids out to the lake and spend time with them. We want a boat to go out in the afternoons. We want to travel (mainly Chad wants to go to Colorado, South and North Dakota, Vermont, Maine, etc. I think he wishes too much). I would not mind going to Bermuda (don't ask but just research...it has historical places to visit, the beach and warm weather.), Ireland (that's the Irish in me) and Greece (no I'm not Greek, just like the food). There are so many other things that I would like to do or experience in my lifetime. I guess you could say it's my wish list. As a mother, those sort of things get put on a backburner but one day I "wish" to have the opportunity to at least do some of them. What are your wishes? Don't worry, it is okay to actually wish for something for yourself.

I wish to lose 40 lbs (yes, really 40 lbs).

I wish to go to at least one destination on my travel list before I die.

I wish to have some cooking lessons. (another story for another time, hehehe).

I wish to have a private master bedroom suite added onto the house, with my own office space.

I wish that someone would nominate me for "What not to wear" and actually have the time to be able to go. I can just see all the clothes I would come home with, LOL.

I wish that my husband and I could go away for the weekend like we have in the past. I do not think that we would take that for granted now. :-)

I wish to be the mature christian that God desires me to be when I pass from this world. Most of all, my wishes are fun but my heart's desire is to be the woman that God wants me to be...

Thank you Lord for being all I need.

GOD SAID
If you never felt pain, then how wouldyou know that I'm a Healer?
If you never went through difficulties,how would you know that I'm a Deliverer?
If you never had a trial, how could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never felt sadness, how wouldyou know that I'm a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake, how would you know that I'm forgiving?
If you knew it all, how would you knowthat I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble, how would you know that I will come to your rescue?
If you never were broken, then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you never had a problem, how would you know that I can solve them?
If you never had any suffering, then how would you know what Jesus went through?
If you never went through the fire,then how would you become pure?
If I gave you all things, how would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you, how would you know that I love you?
If you had all power, then how would you learn to depend on me?
If your life was perfect, then what would you need Me for?THANK YOU, GOD!

Farther Along We Will Understand

My husband and I put in to adopt 2 sisters about 2 months ago. They are beautiful little ones and are so eager to have someone love them and accept them. We have found out that they are most likely kin to my husband, like 2nd or 3rd cousins. Even if that was not the case, we would have still applied as we prayed for months and felt like it was what God wanted us to do. After 2 months we have not heard anything about a home study or a study update or anything and was beginning to think the rumors flying around were true that they girls would be going out of county for adoptions. We would of course be hurt and saddened but we really just want what is best for the girls. Since it had been so long, I called this week to find out some truths about the situation. We have not heard any of the truth from the rumors (rumors seldom have any truth in them) and even figured out that some dirt is being spread about us which is not even close to the truth.

That hurts, especially considering the source of the dirt. To trust someone and lean on someone and now to have that just thrown away for nothing. All of the dirt is for nothing. They are not even considering adopting the girls so they literally have nothing to gain. And yet it has not stopped them. It truly takes the wind out of you when people treat you like this. However, we are to have no fears. Lies always catch up to people, dirty doings are always dealt with and so is unrighteousness. They have nothing to lean on until they repent and yet we have everything as long as we standfast in our faith and trust in our wonderful Lord. We may never know here on Earth why things happen, and truth be known when we get to heaven we will no longer care about all of that. One day there will be no burdens, no troubles, no gossip, no lies, no backstabbing, no pain.

Until that glorious day, we will continue to pursue God's will. God will put everything right as long as we continue to pray, read and trust in Him. So, no dirt coming from here. No half truths either. We will only continue to praise God everyday for everything he has done for us and even for those things we really wishes for but God knew we never really needed. I praise God for his wisdom in all things concerning us.

Psalm 56:1-4
1) Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. 2) Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High. 3) What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 4) In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

My birthday!!!

This week was my birthday. It started a little rough but got better as the day grew longer. I realized just how blessed I am. I had family that wished me happy birthday and went out of their way to make sure it was good. My friends showered me with blessings as well. It was truly a wonderful feeling to know that you have so many that care around you. I enjoyed my spagetti dinner with homemade garlic bread. My kuddos to the chef. We also enjoyed my all time favorite cakes, red velvet. YUM!!! We are all still burned from going to the pool and playing. I do not know who had the most fun, the kids or my mother. I do not take these days lightly with momma's health not being the best in the world anymore.

With all the wonderful things above, my birthday was not "my birthday" until I had my song sang to me. You see every year my sister calls early in the morning and sings Happy Birthday to me. She is not the family's prized singer (not that I am either). Her children tease her all the time about her voice. Kids are just that way. They expect you to take and take and never have hurt feelings, they just do not think of you that way. Every year, good or bad, it is one of the sweetest things anyone does for me. When my parents would be grieving some years over the loss of James, she would ALWAYS remember me. This year, however, it was the sweetest tune I had heard ever in my life as it could very well be the last year I ever have that song sang to me again. I hid the tears of course (thank goodness for phones) but I think she still knew. This year she did not call first thing as usual. I even had to call her and just tell her, "I need my song for it to be truly my birthday." She laughed.

You see, my sister was diagnosed with kidney cancer in February. It had already spread to her lungs before they found it. It has been a very long road already for her. She had to have the kidney removed (thank you God for allowing it only to be in one kidney). She went on SUTENT in April and could not tolerate the highest dose. They had to cut it back and she is still have significant problems. The tumor appears to be stable (not growing) right now. The medication only stops progression; it does not shrink the cancer. Over the past year (before finding the cancer) she has lost over 20+ pounds. She is now on oxygen most of her days and can only be out (like to Walmart) for approximately an hour before pure exhaustion sits in. She is fighting, it is just extremely hard for her as she was so low to begin with. The medication is very rough on the body but she is still having symptoms from the cancer as well. She always has a smile especially if she senses you are low so smile you must, for her. I did not take this birthday very lightly at all. It is my prayer that God's will be done for nothing else will do.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Today is our 15th wedding anniversary. Marriage has been nothing like I dreamed it would be at all. It has been wonderful though. I would not trade my single days for this at all. My husband is a wonderful father, gracious brother and uncle but a tremendous husband. He is truly my soul mate. I have truly enjoyed this journey of growing in our love and closer to Christ with Chad. I love him more than words can possibly tell you. Happy Anniversary sweetie!!!

The month of June is also a very hard month for my family and I. We have tons of birthdays, including my own, but also plenty of deaths for this month. My brother's birthday was June 19th and he would have been 53 this year, however, he drown the day before I was born. It has been so hard all these years to deal with my parents grief around that time. They tried to give me a good birthday and tried to hide their true feelings but not always successfully. My grandfather also died the day before my birthday when I turned 9. Never a good thing to be in the funeral home instead of having a cake. My husband's mother died on June 24th, the day before our anniversary, four years ago. And hopefully lastly, my daughter was due to be born on June 28th 12 years ago. She never made it to birth but I know she is in Heaven now.

These are just a few of the things our marriage has had to endure and I am more than sure they will be so many more. When we got married, we went on our honeymoon, obviously. When we came home, Chad had called his mother to get me a red velvet cake (yummo) for my birthday. He knows how hard this time of year is and has always went above and beyond to try to make it a happy time for me. I have to take this time, because of Chad's kindness, to say thank you Lord for allowing me to have this man in my life.

Our foster home

You know, we never intended to go into foster care. Not really. Our intent was to adopt a daughter. My husband falls in love so easily though and now we have two little girls with us. The first child in our home was and is the apple of my prince's eyes. Honestly, for a while it did bother me that she could do no (and I truly mean NO) wrong in his eyes. Thankfully we have both come to meet half way on this and he sees things now and I see less things. We had visited with her several times before she was moved into our "foster home" (still seems to strange to say that). It was a relatively smooth transition for all of us though. Now, after five short months, I do not know if I could live without her. She is not ours mind you but in every since of life, she is. Dalton tells her, "Caitin (yes, he leaves the "L" off, sometimes sounds like chicken) morning Caitin," every morning he hears her voice. Hunter even accepted a kiss from the "yucky little girl" tonight. Even "orange juice" loves her to pieces. By the way, that is what is sounds like Caitlin calls Andrew. :-) This was all too simple though, moving her in.

Our true work began with our second child. She had been in a group home and was wild. There is no other words for it. It has taken a total of four weeks just to get her to smile back when we smile instead of grunting or whining. She is a precious child that is in terrible need of consistency. It is such a sad thing to witness a three-year-old with such need to be in control of every situation. I have witnessed adults/teenagers need to control but never a child. This has been our first, 100% foster child. There is so much that you never think of or even dream of that a child in this situation could possible need/want. It has been such a test but I have learnt so much through this process. As my husband and I learned in adoption classes, I have found my limit. Meaning, this child is in transition. She will be "home" very soon and she is tremendously confused as anyone could expect. Transition is just not an easy thing to help a very young child through. Please do not take me the wrong way. I see NOW this child's desperateness from the beginning and that she needs love and nurture and discipline. I have to admit though, in the first days of this trial I did not see all those things. It is my prayer that God will not let me forget so that I might be of more help to the next child He places in our home.

Now that we are in this "foster home" business we cannot seem to get enough. We have already put in to possibly adopt two little girls besides those in our home. Mind you, this is on top of the three boys we have already. Once you get your "hands dirty" in this line of thinking, you cannot help but to want to save them all. I do know that is not possible but I can still pray for those in need. I have to say, I do not understand those that adopt outside of the country. There are so many little ones here that need good homes. So many are sent back into horrible situations because there are not enough adoptive homes to take them in. This is a burden that has been placed on me by my wonderful Lord. With that being said, I have to know my limits and lean on God for those I cannot take in. Lord, please touch those little ones out there tonight that are homeless, suffering, hungry and neglected. Send someone to them to start the healing in their lives. Amen.

Welcome to my goofy but blessed life

Well here we go. Trying this wonderful world of blogging for the first time. It is my prayer that it might be of some help or comfort to someone else out there; okay, probably not this particular post.

I guess I should start off telling a little about myself. I am a beautiful 19 year old woman. Okay, so not really. Anyways, I am a christian mother of 3 boys, happily married and in the process of possibly adopting not one but potentially 3 girls. I am a medical transcriptionist by trade and enjoy my work most days. Like anything else, it has its good and bad days. My husband and I will soon be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. It has been just like a roller coaster but I would not trade a moment of it at all. He is the love of my life, my strong shoulder to lean on and everything I never knew I was looking for.

I am, as mentioned above, a christian. I was saved by our Lord's salvation on February 11, 2009. The Lord has always been a part of my life but even more so now that I accepted Jesus into my heart and life with no reservations at the wonderful calling of the Holy Spirit. I truly do not understand how anyone lives in this life without Christ. Through all my trials, I know that I am never alone now. Praise the Lord for his wonderful grace and mercies.

Well, there is a little about myself. Hopefully, I will get the hang of this soon and things will be more interesting. Good day and God bless.